Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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