her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
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He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
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I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Pants are for mortals
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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