it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize