I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
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Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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