I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
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So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
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I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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