the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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