Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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