i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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