me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
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im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize