i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize