my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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