You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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