There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize