I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
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He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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