Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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