i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
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