"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Sponge bath it is.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
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he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
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i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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