oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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