Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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