Pants 0. Shit 1.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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