i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
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im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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