Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize