just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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