Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize