i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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