ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
this is an emotional support booty call
Drake has all the answers
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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