i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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