If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
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If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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