Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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