I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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