I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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