I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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