The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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