yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
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Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
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Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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