Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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