Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
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it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
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he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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