my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
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Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
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Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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