just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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