this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
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the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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