God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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