no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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