billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
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Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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