Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize