she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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