why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
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I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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