I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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