my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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