Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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