i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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