are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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